Many of us have heard the words, “Feel your feelings,” but what exactly does that mean? Such a statement often comes off as vague and confusing. When hit with a wave of anxiety, are we not feeling it? Well, yes and no.
Sitting with emotions, AKA, “feeling your feelings,” is more than just feeling it; it is also processing it from a place of curiosity and non-judgment.
Whenever we are hit with difficult emotions- anger, anxiety, fear, sadness- many individuals will label the emotion as either good or bad. The truth is that emotions are neither, they just are. Emotions don’t care about logic or reason, they don’t care if you like them or hate them, and they will still exist despite efforts to categorize them into neat boxes. People will push back, try to quell or stuff the feelings, and that often leads to them building up to unhealthy levels that can impact day-to-day functioning.
Get Curious with Your Emotions
As stated before, emotions are neither good nor bad. It is the person that prescribes an emotion those attributes. Instead, can you start to look at whatever heavy emotion you’re experiencing with curious eyes and a non-judgmental mind. You are invited to sit down with your feelings. Still sound vague? Below are several steps to help you cultivate this curious and non-judgmental view.
- Identify the feeling. For the purpose of this exercise - let’s use anxiety. State, out loud or to yourself, “I feel anxious.” Wording is important here- note that it does not say, “I am anxious,” but instead “I feel anxious.” The reason for this is to shift the focus from us becoming the emotion to a person having the emotion.
- Figure out where the feeling sits in your body. Perhaps the anxiety is in your stomach, or your shoulders. Once you identify it, state again, “I feel anxious, and it is sitting in my stomach.”
- Next, if anxiety could have a color, what would it be? Maybe it’s yellow. So you feel anxious, it is sitting in your stomach, and it is yellow.
- If your anxiety had a shape, what would it look like? Examples are lightning, or an open jar of butterflies, etc. Alright, so you feel anxious, it is sitting in your stomach, it is yellow, and it looks like lightning.
- Now it is time to think, “If anxiety had a voice, what is it trying to say?” Listen carefully – is it worried about an upcoming meeting? Is it nervous about meeting someone new? Is it worried about everything? What is it trying to say?
Sometimes, it is helpful to view the emotion as a small child. By doing this, you are, one, giving yourself some breathing room between you and the emotion, and two, supporting the process of not being judgmental, and instead being curious.
So now you know anxiety is in your stomach, it’s yellow, it looks like lightning, and it is nervous about an upcoming event. - Now here is the kicker, perhaps the most important step. Ask yourself, “What would you say to the emotion to make it feel seen, heard, and held?” Again, treating the emotion like a small child who needs comfort can be helpful. This step is not for you to tell the emotion it is silly or overreacting, but rather to help it feel comforted.
By remaining curious and nonjudgmental, you are giving yourself permission to sit down with uncomfortable things, allowing them to exist, as well as be heard and comforted. This process can help the emotion move through you more quickly. Remember, you are not the emotion- you are a person experiencing the emotion. Treating yourself with kindness, even when, especially when, you are struggling to can be helpful to process the emotion in a more effective and healing way.
Samantha Rich, LMHCA
Clarity Clinic NWI
