For some people, the holiday season is filled with celebrations, gift exchanges, luminous decorations, and endless food. Oh, the food.
It’s a season expected to bring joy.
But for others, it is filled with sadness, disappointment, and grief. The silent expectations from the holiday season left you feeling like Ebenezer Scrooge. Bah Humbug.
Maybe you are mourning the loss of a loved one, experiencing financial difficulty, or caring for a sick family member. Perhaps time spent with family is filled with anxiety due to substance use or conflict. Whatever the reason may be, this holiday season gifted you with grief.
What is Grief?
Grief is often associated with the death of a person. The process typically includes sequenced stages; denial, anger, bargaining, depression, an acceptance. But not all experiences of grief result from death. Disenfranchised grief is a type of grief that is not acknowledged by society. It seems invisible to others. It’s misunderstood. But so very real.
This grief looks like addiction of a loved one, loss of safety from abuse, infertility, and estrangement from loved ones. These losses might be viewed as less significant. But the grief you are experiencing leaves you longing for a sense of normalcy. A sense of wholeness. It steals your happiness. It robs you of joy.
It can invade your mind and body at any time. It causes you to feel sad, irritable, and anxious. Grief may cause distraction or low energy. You may want to retreat into isolation and avoid people. It can linger for what seems like forever. Or smack you in unpredictable waves.
Ok, so grief sucks. The holidays are happening. Now what?
Strategies for Processing Grief
There is no quick fix or easy solution. Give yourself some grace. Offer yourself some compassion. And maybe try a few of these recommendations to cope with your grief throughout the next few weeks.
- Create a game plan. Utilize your social support, set realistic expectations, and be prepared.
- Seek professional counseling or group support.
- Set boundaries for yourself. No need to appease everyone or attend every party. Do what feels right.
- Make new traditions. Even if it is outside the norm. If it brings you joy, go for it.
- Tune into the feelings. Don’t push them away. Offer self-validation, like “grief is hard” and “It’s ok to not be okay.”
Grief is difficult any time of the year. But especially so during the holidays. So if you find yourself here, it’s ok. You can do hard things. You are courageous and strong. You are not alone.
Kara Wiesemann, LMHC
Clarity Clinic NWI
