“All children, except one, grow up,” reads the opening line of J.M. Barrie’s Peter Pan. The one to whom it refers, of course, is Peter, the boy who was determined to hold onto his youth at all costs.
The Development of Peter Pan Syndrome
Sadly, grownups fall prey to that same fantasy – the so-called “Peter Pan syndrome” – though it seems to be more common among men than women. As a man myself, it’s not hard to understand why. Many of us were taught from a young age to pursue what makes us happy, to follow our passions and look for new adventures at every turn. When those philosophies clash with the realities of adulthood and leave us disappointed, it’s easy to retreat into a state of arrested development where it’s okay to flake out on responsibilities, where career and relationship success aren’t important, and where bad behavior is always justified. This is particularly true of men who don’t possess fully formed coping skills.
Countless Lost Boys have created a personal Neverland for themselves as a way to avoid the rejections and expectations that are inherent to being a grown up. They rely on spouses, partners, parents, and friends to serve as caretakers and bill payers while they float through their 20s, 30s, and 40s (and sometimes beyond) in search of the next good time. It doesn’t take long, though, for the act to grow tired and, like Peter Pan, the man-child is left with the lonely realization that everyone he cared about has moved on without him.
Self-Reflection is the Key to Change
Sound familiar? Maybe you’re hanging onto your youthful indulgences. If so, have you thought about where that road leads? The march of time stops for no one, and neglecting your career ambitions, your significant other, your financial security, and your emotional growth is guaranteed to end badly in the long run.
One of the most famous quotes from Peter Pan is one you’ve likely heard before. “The secret of happiness is not in doing what one likes, but in liking what one does.” To put it another way, life isn’t always fun and it isn’t always easy. Maturity means accepting the challenges that come with growing older and finding peace and satisfaction in doing so. Sometimes it means putting your dreams on the backburner and settling in to do what you have to do.
If you’re struggling with a case of Peter Pan syndrome, let me encourage you to take a long, hard look at yourself and consider what your future is going to look like. Finding someone to talk with can help you find the determination to not only grow up, but flourish in doing so. You’ll never again be as young as you are right now, and that’s okay. Aging is inevitable, but it’s also a fascinating journey where the scenery and roadside attractions change with each passing year. Let us help you navigate it and find some joy along the way.
Clarity Clinic NWI
www.claritynwi.com
