Recently producer Harvey Weinstein was led handcuffed into a Manhattan courtroom, formally charged with rape and sexual assault. It was the culmination of months of investigation into his decades of abhorrent behavior toward women, stemming from the October New York Times exposé that brought the Hollywood mogul’s empire crashing down and kick-started the #MeToo and #TimesUp movements.
Looking back through history, you won’t find a time when men haven’t used their physical, economic, and political power to dominate and prey on women, but the downfall of guys like Weinstein shows that a revolution is finally taking place. As a result, men everywhere are being forced to reckon with their long-held attitudes toward sex and consent, and it’s leaving them with a lot of uncertainty amid all this change.
The Impact of #MeToo on Dating
Earlier this year, Lisa Bonos wrote a column for the Washington Post in which she interviewed singles in their 20s and 30s and asked them how #MeToo had impacted dating. The men she talked with said they were less inclined to be the pursuer when it came to sex, choosing instead to let the woman make the first move out of fear that they might otherwise misconstrue their female partner’s intentions. Los Angeles-based dating coach Francesa Hogi, who was quoted in the article, called that an overreaction, and admitted that many women might not be comfortable being thrust into the role of initiator.
So how do we avoid the problem of men and women keeping each other at arm’s length, afraid of being labeled a sexual aggressor? A 29-year-old San Francisco woman interviewed by Bonos said conversation is the key, and I tend to agree with that. When dating someone new, she said, she talks with him about the current climate of sexual assault awareness and how she defines consent, setting those kinds of boundaries early in the relationship. Since every woman has different expectations, these clarifying conversations can be valuable. If you’re a man who is worried about sending the wrong signals or coming on too strong in the bedroom, talk with your partner and find out what she thinks before the clothes ever come off.
#MeToo/#TimesUp has ushered in a power shift that was long overdue. The culture is rapidly changing, and it’s natural – maybe even right – that men feel like they’re navigating a minefield. But with mutual respect between partners and honest dialogue, it doesn’t have to mean the death of romance and courtship as we knew it.
Clarity Clinic NWI
www.claritynwi.com
