We recently had a colleague who died unexpectedly, and while many in the office didn’t know him well, his death affected us all, but in different ways. Whether it’s the death of an immediate family member or someone with whom you aren’t that close, the grieving process can take on many forms.
Grief Triggers
Our past history with grief can trigger feelings and emotions from previous experiences and can be brought to the surface in ways that sometimes surprise us. Those unexpected waves of grief, that remind us of our loved ones or, more specifically, the pain we endured, even if it was years ago, are called grief triggers, and can overwhelm us when we are reminded of that emotional pain.
Our reactions to grief triggers can last for days or possibly longer, and you may realize you are experiencing the same intense emotions you experienced when your loved one died. These emotions can include anger, anxiety, depression, guilt, loneliness, insomnia and physical pain.
Additionally, when we bear witness to someone else’s grief, we many times struggle with how to respond or support them, as it requires us to be vulnerable to our own emotions and to allow ourselves to feel what they feel in order to empathize and share in their grief. You may experience feelings of helplessness or guilt because you cannot ease their pain, which is ultimately something we cannot control.
When grief or intense emotions connected to loss bubbles up, the most important thing to remember is to be kind to yourself. Try not to push these emotions aside or berate yourself for experiencing them. These grief triggers are normal and part of the process.
Ways to Comfort Yourself
Some additional ways to work through grief triggers include:
- Be present with those emotions. Identifying and allowing sadness, grief, guilt, isolation, or whatever other emotions you are experienced, to wash over you, is inherent to healing, and can reduce grief triggers in the future.
- Reminisce with family members and friends about their life and death, recalling special memories or moments. Focus on the positive interactions you had with that person rather than the loss.
- Connect with loved ones and friends. In times of tragedy and death, it’s normal to think about your own mortality and the great relationships and connections you have in your life. Celebrate those relationships by writing letters or calling them to say you love them and express how much they mean to you.
- Give yourself space. As mentioned before, unexpected waves of grief and pain are inevitable and normal. There is no timeframe for mourning, however, if you believe that your emotions are so intense that they are disrupting normal functioning talk to your family and friends to help reduce those symptoms, or reach out to a therapist to identify coping skills to work through your grief.
While grief looks different for each person, it’s an emotion that can be tough to experience and to witness. Treating ourselves with kindness during this process and asking ourselves “what do I need for myself at this moment,” can be helpful for self-care and healing.
Erin Swinson, LMHCA, LPC
Therapist
Clarity Clinic
Dedicated to Dr. Nicholas Reid.
